I’ve been on vacation the past two weeks from my day job. When I left work, I had been super stressed out. My blood pressure was elevated and I was NOT feeling very well at all. It took me about a week of vacation to start to come down from that feeling. I thought I’d never get back to a comfy laid-back kind of feeling, but I have. There was a lot going on in my life the past two weeks, so it was only natural to have felt the effects.
From Filth to Light
See, I moved after living in a small, dark, dingy basement suite for five years. Oh my goddess, you guys, the filth I was living in…I had no idea. I’ll have to write more about it later. It was that profound of an experience. I do have some theories about it. Had some good insights, so it’s all good. But boy, oh boy. It was a rough experience. Here’s the entrance to the brand new building I moved into:
From One to Two
So not only did I move, but my beautiful daughter gave birth to this sweet baby:
This is my second grandson. Second grandchild. Love love love. If you’re not a grandparent yet, just wait. There’s nothing like it. For those who won’t get to experience that, I am sorry. I cannot believe how wonderful it is to be a Nana. Love this role of mine.
Lots of changes. As always, my thoughts have been on how to create my own work so I don’t have to work for the man. Or whoever/whatever. The government job that I am to return to on Monday. I’ve been on this specific journey for….years. Yeah. It’s been years of me thinking/hoping/praying on how to “figure out” how to work differently without compromising my present lifestyle. Which, I ought to point out, is NOT extravagant. I’ve been working at this government job for about seven years now. It’s stressful. The work is marginally rewarding. It’s important, for sure. But rewarding? Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you must do it. And that’s where I’m at currently.
I initially started this website totally convinced it was going to be me telling my readers (of which, I’m pretty sure, is zero at this writing) how to grow their goddess energy. Whatever that really means. I kept feeling really, really, stuck and I could not get a sense of what to say or how to say it or what this website was really all about. I knew what I wanted to convey. Didn’t have a clue what direction to take it. And that’s what brings me to the title of this post. I am taking my own advice.
Listening to the Oracle
I have spent the past few days consulting with my oracle cards. Taking to heart what was being revealed to me. Much of it was about having faith, really. One card assured me there was a major transformational paradigm shift coming, and that surprise success was upon me. Hmmm. Everything seems the same. Then another card was about asking for help. Another assured me that Mother Mary knew what I wanted and I just needed to open up to it.
OMG people. It’s been intense. Privately intense. Intense, introspective thoughts that I have not shared with anyone. Thoughts like, “What the hell am I doing with my life at 57? What the hell do I think I’m doing, trying to BE something other than a government worker? At my age. Whatever that means.”
Taking My Own Advice
After all these very hopeful cards, I decided to really listen and made some changes to how I think about things. See, I do recall this little voice that kept whispering, “Where is my business that I want?!” As long as I kept THAT tape running, that’s what I got. A business that I wanted. Not one that I have. One that is wanted. My thoughts kept my desired manifestation in pushed away status. If Mother Mary knows what I want, why the hell am I continuously TELLING her that I want a thriving business of my own? SHE KNOWS. STOP TELLING HER OVER AND OVER. She knows. She. knows.
Asking for Help
So I’m asking for help from my guides and helpers and paying attention to how help is showing up. Help shows up when the guy who takes care of my cell phone stuff tells me there is a special discount for business owners and to come back when my business is set up. Help shows up when the delay getting my internet installed is suddenly, today, resolved. (I still don’t have internet at home and I’m writing this at Starbucks, but you get what I’m saying?) There’s been MOVEMENT. Stuff is starting to happen. Shifts are happening. Perhaps, even, that big paradigm shift…I’m right in it.
I’m always telling people to go within, that they have the answers they need within, that we really just need to silence our nattering minds and listen. So I’m taking my own good advice. I’ve been walking the talk this week, and it’s paying off. The information that has been passed down to me is that this blog is not about me as some sort of authority on living life as a goddess. It’s to completely be a showcase for my own experiences, to show you how to live a life as a goddess. Because I’ve had to teach myself how, and will continue to teach myself how. It’s a journey, not a finished project. Stuff will constantly come up that will provide me with an opportunity to respond in a goddess-like manner. Or not, and to forgive myself then.
I asked for guidance on what to make this website about. I knew it was a great name, but I honestly did not know much more. We’ll be moving in a more personal direction and you’ll get to see what I’m all about. How THIS goddess is growing. Even at 57. Because I won’t be done until the day I die. Even then, I suspect I’ll keep expanding.
Much love to you all,