Beauty Is Not Always Evident

I’m closer to being in my 60’s. Every day I get closer. I have a few more years to go, but I’m closer to 60 than 50. As I’ve aged (not even sure what this means), I’ve had to come to grips with (really?) the fact that youth, and all that it means, has left the building.

Come to grips with. Just gotta let that sink in for a moment. Like it’s been some sort of struggle. Why is that? Is it because, in this Western society of ours, we value youth over experience? Still? Yes, still. Maybe it’s because we put so much value on the potential that youth holds. Our choices seem¬†so much more vast when we are younger and have not made quite as many mistakes (yet).

Life does not have to be like that. No matter how many trips around the sun you’ve taken, every day you wake up is a new day to make different choices, including whether to see your beauty. Until the day you die. Nobody is keeping you in a box. Nobody, except you. You are the only one telling yourself that your choices are more limited now that you are older. Your ability to make choices will remain with you as long as you are cognitively able to make them. Choices are no longer there, but, if you expand your imagination a bit, you’ll see that, perhaps, because of your experience, you have more choices now than you did when you were younger. But your beauty? Your beauty will last forever. When and how were you directed to stop seeing your beauty?

Resist the Bombardment

We have all been subjected to some degree by the media determining what is beauty and, by the process of elimination, what is not. We have also been conditioned to expect instant gratification. We have to fight that force. It’s not real. It’s made up and not true. Withstand the urge to limit your ability to see based on what media is telling you and choose to open your mind to see beauty for what it truly is.

Eyes to See

The bullies. The criticizers. The trolls. They cannot see beauty. You, when you’re beating up on yourself or others, criticizing yourself or others, choosing to say something mean online. Those are times that you are not seeing your own beauty. It is not that beauty does not exist. Beauty is the same as choice. It exists and will continue to exist, with our without you. Beauty, like love, is everywhere. In those moments we cannot see it, it’s still there. We just have not chosen to see it.

A Redefined Definition

I’m not the same kind of beautiful as I was in my 20’s. Or 30’s even, before the life lessons began to eat away at me. Divorce. Heartache. Heartbreak. Depression. Loss. Grief. Nobody gets out of here without some or all of these things. These hard, very hard, times, can eat away at you. And it’s hard, alright. It is Life Itself, hardening you off. Making you stronger, more resilient. And oh, I get how much we resist these lessons. Such a lame word for something so powerful, really, but I’ll use it for lack of a better word. The lessons make you MORE beautiful. And you have to be willing to see your beauty when you get through it. Actually, it would be helpful if you could keep seeing your beauty while you’re going through the lesson. I am not the same beautiful as I was, but believe I am MORE beautiful. My depth, well earned, has beautified me.

Acknowledging Privilege

I see my privilege of being a young, white, lower-middle class, attractive female. Yes, even lower-middle class is a privilege. I was esthetically beautiful in my younger days. But I was also rather empty, spiritually. I could not stand up for myself. I could not carry on any sort of interesting conversation. There was no substance to me in my youth. I had no real interests. But I was cute. I’ve always been cute. Where did it get me? What good did cute really do? Didn’t matter, is where it got me. It got me what it got anyone. Life experiences. This whole thing about privilege is a bit of a loaded subject. I want to stress that I was born into a level of privilege, this shiny apple still fell hard from the tree and had to deal with some hard, hard ground. My life has been both with and without privilege, which I’ll discuss with the Great Mother Herself, later.

Deepening

I find myself now, approaching my 60s, no longer having days of low self esteem. Low self esteem is just gone. It’s been worked out of my system. I see myself for the beautiful soul that I am. I have depth. I have built character. Or, shall I say, life has build depth and character within me. I have interesting things to say. I’m pretty funny, if you get to know me. I did not make myself deeper or fuller of character. There is no way I would have consciously picked the way my life turned out. The lessons. The experiences. There were really hard times. I hope they are behind me, but I know that I can manage whatever comes my way, because those very same hard times made me who and what I am today.

Human Smoothie

I’d liken my life, up to this point, to having been put through a blender. Each trial, each lesson, each major situation I’ve had to face, felt like my whole being was being shredded. All that I knew about myself was being stripped away. The essence of my self remained. Like a honkin’ big smoothie in a blender. All the ingredients, masticated, blended, voila, beautiful, healthy drink in the end. All the original ingredients are there still. you just can’t see them in the form you are used to seeing them. It’s the same with elements of beauty. You can try to look harder to see the beauty in yourself and others, or you can just have faith and know it’s there.

Seeing Beauty in Others

What really goes through your mind when you see a homeless person, someone living close to the street? Does a thought of judgement arise? What about seeing a person struggling with their physical body, or even in a body that is not what we are conditioned to believe is a beautiful body? Allow the judgement to arise, if it’s there, by all means. But then invite yourself to open up to seeing a different definition of beauty. Look beyond the physical. It’s even harder to see beauty when the person themselves does not see it, cannot see it, because their image of themselves is so full of self-loathing. We have a tendency to jump on the thought bandwagon and agree with their perception of themselves. Resist the urge to do this. Those who cannot see their own beauty need those of us who can to see it even more. To recognize their beauty and speak to that beauty, that love that is within, always.

Seeing Beauty in Yourself

I have come full circle. I see my beauty now. I’ve done a ton of internal work. Hard, inner work. I am nothing like I used to be, and I consider this a blessing. If you cannot see my beauty, that’s okay. I don’t need you to see it to know it is there. I see your beauty, too. I know it is there, it has always been there, and no matter how much you may loathe yourself now, or feel the need to strike out verbally or spiritually (same thing) towards others who do not look the way you think beauty ought to look. Beauty will always be there, waiting for you to return to yourself.

I hope you’ll choose to have a beautiful, and beauty-filled, day, my friend. I know I will. See the world how you wish it to be. See the beauty in those who wish you to see it otherwise. Resist believing in an antiquated definition of beauty. And, truly, the beauty you see in yourself will become reflected in your external world.

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

The Day I Understood My Value

 

Throughout the years, I have spent time and money on introspection and courses, on understanding the metaphysics of manifestation. Invariably, regardless of what I wanted or desired, it came down to this: Everything is waiting for you. It’s all there, waiting for you to allow it into your reality. You just have to value your being and allow it to manifest.

Okay, so let’s just say this is true. It would stand then, that if it’s all there waiting for me, and it has not yet manifested in my reality, then I am somehow blocking the manifestation process (with my thoughts and/or feelings) and thereby not allowing. One reason I may be blocking is by holding a belief that I am not worthy of receiving my good. This is actually a common problem among us humans.

Ending A Life of Struggle

I have been struggling with living a life of ease for many years. No hiding that. I have done an amazing job with my life, and I am proud of the work I have done and the children I’ve raised. But it hasn’t been easy. I was a single mom, who put herself through nursing school with two school-aged beauties,¬† then hooked up with a guy who was so negative. So negative. And angry and unhappy and suspicious. And I thought that if I loved him enough he’d be okay. This was all before I began exploring metaphysics. Duh.

I extricated myself from what was, essentially, an abusive relationship. I sacrificed a great deal and, thankfully, and not without a lot of work on my part, my relationships with my beauties are better than ever. It was very tenuous, though, and not without damages to them that they are or are not having to work through on their own now as adults. I regret causing pain, of course, but there seemed no other alternative at the time.

Valuing My Own Being

But see, if I valued my own being, I never would have been in that horrendous experience of a relationship. It was what it was, though, and I was where I was, at the time. I struggled with my self esteem as a child, as a teen, and, let’s face it, as an adult. I did not know my value, or see my worth. My parents were not those kind of parents who cared about that stuff.

I know I did not value my own worth, because the circumstances of my life demonstrated my beliefs. Our reality begins within our own minds first. Always. Not to mean that everything that happens to us is our ‘fault’, or that our thoughts cause the catastrophes we experience, etc. But you can very often look at the circumstances of your life and see it as a barometer, of sorts, on how you’re doing. Your reality is a reflection of the inner workings of your mind. I know. Deep.

Showing Up for A Friend

photo credit Miguel R Perez

Anyhow, the other day I texted a friend to see how she was doing. I knew she was moving soon, out of a house that she raised her family in. A house her husband built, on the ocean. A house where her young son died unexpectedly, years ago. There was a lot that happened in that house. I suspected (intuited?) that maybe she could use some support. I was not wrong. She had been feeling very alone, packing up the house full of memories by herself.

I showed up for her. She made us a cup of Gold Cup Chai tea and we sat on her deck. I was just my normal self, listening to her stories, telling her mine, just like we always do. She’s my best friend. I love her dearly. It occurred to me as I was leaving, that she was not in the same energetic space she was when I got there. It was profoundly obvious that my presence lifted her up.

Seriously, it was the EASIEST thing in the world to do. Took NO effort on my part, yet it was SO very important to me that she feel better, that she be able to return to the beautiful emitter of light that she is. The world needs her light, as it needs all our light. I suddenly saw my value. I “saw” how valuable I was. To her, in that moment. She said she was feeling a lot better and, I don’t know if it’s just because of the way she shared that with me, something just clicked.

You Have Nothing to Prove to Anyone

All these years, working SO FRICKIN’ HARD all the time, all out, every day, flippin’ exhausting myself. Why? To prove what? Well, it never proves anything because it just can be done. You can’t prove your worth to others. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Even when they tell you to prove it to them or treat you in a way that makes you feel diminished, thereby making you think you have something to prove.

You don’t owe anyone anything, especially proving your own worth to anyone else. The only person who has to come to understand your worth, is YOU. Then shift happens.

Closing the Gap

Maybe people who have always understood their worth in the world have always felt this good. I wouldn’t know. For whatever reason, my journey has been one of not knowing my worth, then working like stink, inside and out, and finding my worth. All the stuff I wanted before was wanted in an effort to fill up this freakin’ gaping hole within my being. Today I am content with what is. Today I am so incredibly high and happy on life. These days I wake up early, ready for what the day may bring. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and it’s because I’ve managed to close the gap within my being. I am home to myself. I know that I am love, and I am able, and capable, of radiating that love to the world. Because I see my light now. I’ve seen what it does. I can’t ever

photo credit Martin Winkler

undervalue that light ever again. It is a sacred light. It is the giver of life. It’s within every single one of us and we have a responsibility to nurture our being, care for ourselves, strengthen our will and bring our light to others, where we remind them of their own light. And so it goes.