The Day I Understood My Value

 

Throughout the years, I have spent time and money on introspection and courses, on understanding the metaphysics of manifestation. Invariably, regardless of what I wanted or desired, it came down to this: Everything is waiting for you. It’s all there, waiting for you to allow it into your reality. You just have to value your being and allow it to manifest.

Okay, so let’s just say this is true. It would stand then, that if it’s all there waiting for me, and it has not yet manifested in my reality, then I am somehow blocking the manifestation process (with my thoughts and/or feelings) and thereby not allowing. One reason I may be blocking is by holding a belief that I am not worthy of receiving my good. This is actually a common problem among us humans.

Ending A Life of Struggle

I have been struggling with living a life of ease for many years. No hiding that. I have done an amazing job with my life, and I am proud of the work I have done and the children I’ve raised. But it hasn’t been easy. I was a single mom, who put herself through nursing school with two school-aged beauties,  then hooked up with a guy who was so negative. So negative. And angry and unhappy and suspicious. And I thought that if I loved him enough he’d be okay. This was all before I began exploring metaphysics. Duh.

I extricated myself from what was, essentially, an abusive relationship. I sacrificed a great deal and, thankfully, and not without a lot of work on my part, my relationships with my beauties are better than ever. It was very tenuous, though, and not without damages to them that they are or are not having to work through on their own now as adults. I regret causing pain, of course, but there seemed no other alternative at the time.

Valuing My Own Being

But see, if I valued my own being, I never would have been in that horrendous experience of a relationship. It was what it was, though, and I was where I was, at the time. I struggled with my self esteem as a child, as a teen, and, let’s face it, as an adult. I did not know my value, or see my worth. My parents were not those kind of parents who cared about that stuff.

I know I did not value my own worth, because the circumstances of my life demonstrated my beliefs. Our reality begins within our own minds first. Always. Not to mean that everything that happens to us is our ‘fault’, or that our thoughts cause the catastrophes we experience, etc. But you can very often look at the circumstances of your life and see it as a barometer, of sorts, on how you’re doing. Your reality is a reflection of the inner workings of your mind. I know. Deep.

Showing Up for A Friend

photo credit Miguel R Perez

Anyhow, the other day I texted a friend to see how she was doing. I knew she was moving soon, out of a house that she raised her family in. A house her husband built, on the ocean. A house where her young son died unexpectedly, years ago. There was a lot that happened in that house. I suspected (intuited?) that maybe she could use some support. I was not wrong. She had been feeling very alone, packing up the house full of memories by herself.

I showed up for her. She made us a cup of Gold Cup Chai tea and we sat on her deck. I was just my normal self, listening to her stories, telling her mine, just like we always do. She’s my best friend. I love her dearly. It occurred to me as I was leaving, that she was not in the same energetic space she was when I got there. It was profoundly obvious that my presence lifted her up.

Seriously, it was the EASIEST thing in the world to do. Took NO effort on my part, yet it was SO very important to me that she feel better, that she be able to return to the beautiful emitter of light that she is. The world needs her light, as it needs all our light. I suddenly saw my value. I “saw” how valuable I was. To her, in that moment. She said she was feeling a lot better and, I don’t know if it’s just because of the way she shared that with me, something just clicked.

You Have Nothing to Prove to Anyone

All these years, working SO FRICKIN’ HARD all the time, all out, every day, flippin’ exhausting myself. Why? To prove what? Well, it never proves anything because it just can be done. You can’t prove your worth to others. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Even when they tell you to prove it to them or treat you in a way that makes you feel diminished, thereby making you think you have something to prove.

You don’t owe anyone anything, especially proving your own worth to anyone else. The only person who has to come to understand your worth, is YOU. Then shift happens.

Closing the Gap

Maybe people who have always understood their worth in the world have always felt this good. I wouldn’t know. For whatever reason, my journey has been one of not knowing my worth, then working like stink, inside and out, and finding my worth. All the stuff I wanted before was wanted in an effort to fill up this freakin’ gaping hole within my being. Today I am content with what is. Today I am so incredibly high and happy on life. These days I wake up early, ready for what the day may bring. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and it’s because I’ve managed to close the gap within my being. I am home to myself. I know that I am love, and I am able, and capable, of radiating that love to the world. Because I see my light now. I’ve seen what it does. I can’t ever

photo credit Martin Winkler

undervalue that light ever again. It is a sacred light. It is the giver of life. It’s within every single one of us and we have a responsibility to nurture our being, care for ourselves, strengthen our will and bring our light to others, where we remind them of their own light. And so it goes.

2 thoughts on “The Day I Understood My Value”

  1. Dear Sue
    Thank you dear precious friend … I am blown away by you and your words. My eyes are flowing with emotions and gratitude.. you have given me a great gift of compassion and deep understanding. Goddess you are xoxo

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