Note: I had a really rough day at my job the day prior to this download. I was crying at 9 a.m. from the pressures. I found myself curled into the corner, still standing, mind you, repeating to myself, “I can’t take this. I can’t take this.” I got up the next day, went through the motions of getting ready for work, showered, and then really checked in with myself. What do I need? Is it alright to just pretend all that pressure is over and just start up again? Same shit, different day? I don’t mean to sound facetious. Lately, I have developed a deeper awareness of the need to take really good care of myself. That doing things that feel good are more important than anything. I cannot be helpful to anyone when I am curling up in a ball in my office having a breakdown at 9 a.m. on a Thursday. It was important for me to know I was choosing to not to go to work not because I was avoiding anything…but because I needed to take radical care of myself. I’m really glad I did, because I vegged out most of the day and remembered how it felt when I burned out from my nursing job 9 years ago. It was feeling the same. And that’s not because I can’t handle pressure. I’m a master at handling pressure. Sometimes well, sometimes not so well. I just don’t want to do it anymore. Certainly not this day. And so I was checking in with Aiyeesha. Aiyeesha Who Loves Me. The name I’ve given my Soul. Here’s what she had to say to me…
Q: What does my Soul want me to know or hear for my highest and best?
You are right to rest your heart and mind today. You are knowing how you want to feel, how you feel as your BEST self. Be with your dog today. Do the assignment. It was a very good decision to make.
You were right when you tapped into your throat chakra about producing the goddess-in-training series (a project that has been in the formulation stage for a LONG time; I totally forgot about it). They will be created by you. We will help.
P.S. Sometimes She doesn’t come through with a ton of content. This was one of those days and I had to take stock of where I was at. It’s never that She is not there. It’s more likely that I am wound up too tight to listen. Or hear. Or in fear. Fearful that I’m going to hear something I don’t like or can’t handle. That’s never been the case and I need to learn to trust Her absolute love for me. I’m learning.
The bit about the throat chakra – the day of the near meltdown (meh, maybe it was an actual meltdown), I felt quite stifled in being able to express myself. The way the job is, I really don’t get to say exactly what I want to say. Sometimes it seems it’s just not worth it. So yeah, my voice. I didn’t get to say how I felt. How much pressure I was feeling. How much pressure there really IS. Not just me and my sensitive feelings. I am a tough emmer effer. And maybe it was just the way the planets were aligning to make it this perfect storm. My voice was stifled, though, so I focused in my grounding and centering on my chakras, sending them healing light and attention and my throat chakra needed some TLC. No surprise. The lesson for me was, if I cannot express myself in the job, where can I express myself? The answer has been shared by Aiyeesha from Day 1. WRITE. (okay, okay!)
Ironically, the day or two prior to this meltdown at work, I checked in and received this:
You cannot hear when you are suffering. Really rest. Unplug. Stop staying up so late.Aiyeesha
Didn’t recognize it for what it really meant. A bit of a warning, perhaps?!